Nothing is more heartbreaking than to lose someone you love, almost excruciatingly painful. At times you may feel that life is over and that there is nothing worth living for. Personally haven been there and experienced almost all of it myself. At times I have even sworn to never love again and with each additional heartbreak I tend to build a higher and stronger fortress around my heart. Even though we swear off love, we end up falling again, often wondering how they broke through our fortress in the first place. Once again leading to another heartbreaking story.
No matter the circumstance, it always hurts somewhat to lose someone. The deeper the love and commitment or the situation of the breakup will determine the amount of pain one experiences. One who is married with kids and is unexpectedly left, followed by a nasty divorce may have a different experience than someone who has only been in a relationship for a few months.
Yet if a love has died out, then a separation can be very amicable with little heart ache. Those who are more emotionally invested will have a tougher time dealing with a broken heart. When couples fall in love they imagine their lives’ together in the future. Everything is planned or imagined in their mind down to the number of kids they want to the type of house, pictures of them growing old together and the experiences they will share. When one of the parties is left heartbroken, it is as though someone has robbed them of their dreams, leaving them empty with no future to look towards. The other party is typically emotionally done, causing them only discomfort rather than actual pain unless the decision was really hard to make or they are borderline.
The powerless feeling, disappointment of shattered dreams, the grief and anguish one experiences is heartbreaking. The feeling of rejection by someone that you love is never easy. It’s the loss of your best friend, a confidant, a partner, the keeper of your secrets and lover. Some wonder if they can ever get passed the emptiness and hurt. I am here to tell you that if I can do it and love again than so can anyone else. I will share a brief personal heartbreaking story about my loss at the end of this article.
Mend a Broken Heart
Even though it may seem impossible at this time, below are some tips to help you through this hard time. First understand that it’s the loosing of love that is excruciating, not the love itself.
- Writing – buy a journal or type out everything that you are feeling. It can be random thoughts and feelings. Get it all out. Read through it to see if anything is missing and continue to add to it as needed.
- Relive the Relationship – write down all the good times and all the bad ones. No matter how heartbreaking it is to go through it again you need find out why the relationship went bad.
- Make a List – list out your ex’s good qualities and bad ones. Make sure it’s a complete list down to the little things that drove you crazy.
- What Do You Want – even though you may not be ready to date yet, write down all the qualities that you want in a partner and what you don’t want.
- Cry and find something to take your aggression out on. A pillow, golf ball, racquetball or anything that isn’t living or breathing.
- Take the “I” out – rather than focusing on your feelings and needs you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see what it would have been like to date you. Make a list of the things you would have done different or better. Was their needs met or did you have to high of expectations. Did you nag or degrade them? When you realize where you went wrong it can easily bring back all the heartbreaking memories.
- Get even! How you do is by proving that they were wrong about you. This is done by getting in the best shape you possibly can. Exercise does wonders for your self confidence; helps you take out pent up aggression and will make your ex wonder what got into you and their heart will be breaking because they let you go.
- Get Out – go shopping and buy a new wardrobe. Get a makeover. Take care and pamper yourself.
- Do the things that your ex would never do. Have fun doing it.
- Put a smile on regardless of how your feeling, never let them know that they got to you.
- Start talking – to everyone and anyone. Make new friends, just don’t bring up the ex. This is your new life without them in it. Remember you were a person before they came along.
- Make a list of all your qualities and everything you have to offer. Brag about yourself. If you don’t love you then who will!
- Make a list of goals that you want to pursue. It can be anything from taking a cooking class, a new career or a dance class. Start working towards them. For me it was to return to college.
- Pack up the evidence of your relationship together. Put it in a box and set it in the garage or somewhere you don’t have to look at it until you are over your heart break.
- Stop the pain triggers that are heartbreaking. It’s absolutely heartbreaking going to places where you have fond memories of your ex. So don’t go to the restaurants that you went together, take a different route to work, or don’t drive by his house or work. Figure out what the hardest times are and do something different then you would of done if they were there. Fall asleep to music or TV. Sleep with a big pillow or stuffed animal. Go out to dinner after work rather than home to an empty house. Meet up with friends or family.
- Stop the calls, emails and texts. If for some reason you absolutely have to communicate then keep it short and strictly business. NO PERSONAL STUFF. They will use it against you to keep you hanging on or make you feel bad by telling you what they are doing. DON’T DO IT! You need a break time, when your heartbreaking is done then you can become friendlier.
- Get rid of negative thoughts about everything. Think only positive things and you will attract more positive in your life. If you only think negative thoughts then you will attract more pain and negativity.
- Start talking to the opposite sex and flirt. You don’t need to jump into another relationship, but just start talking so you feel comfortable again. This will give you the confidence for when you are ready to date. Just don’t talk about the ex.
- When the time comes and your ready, regardless of how hard it is, you have to forgive your ex for everything. This takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. Start with the little things and work towards the big heartbreaking issues. You don’t have to give it to them, but write a letter to them stating that you forgive them for specific items. Then keep it for a while. This will give you the release that’s needed for you to be able to move on. A huge weight will be taken off your shoulders and you won’t carry around the hurt or resentment for years to come.
- Wish them the best – When you love someone completely then you are able to let them go. Yes it hurts, but you want them to be happy and have everything they want and deserve, unfortunately it wasn’t with you. This means that the right person is out there for you to find. Really, do we want to be with someone that isn’t happy or that doesn’t want to be with us? No! Wouldn’t it be better to find someone who adores and cherishes who we are? Yes!
Your the only one who can stop heartbreaking thoughts of what could of been.
Even though it may not seem like it now, but time and some effort will help you move past all the heartbreaking memories and you will be better prepared for your next relationship. By knowing what you want and the mistakes you have made in the past you will do everything in your power to not make the same mistakes again.